Thursday, November 14, 2013

I'm A Bad Mom

Guess who just fell, full-plop, off of the windowsill because he just doesn't fit now that it's gotten chilly and the windows are closed. Yep...

This guy right here. 

That's my Tenth Life foster kitty, Walter.

While I love Walter just the way he is, lately I've been feeling a little bit like the over-indulgent mama who rewards her kids with McDonald's and Ben & Jerry's for not hitting each other with whiffle ball bats all day long. Not that Walter has any bad behaviors to speak of; he doesn't. But I definitely enjoy indulging him a bit too much and it shows.

I admit that I saw him slowly expanding but I turned a blind eye and slow-danced with that haggard old broad best known as denial. We're chums since childhood, she and I. We tend to band together, eschewing the road less travelled for the one with comfy beds, Bon Bons, and HBO. Gotta keep up with GIRLS, after all. 

It's true that he did not wake up one morning suddenly sporting 18 pounds of blub. I obviously just did not know when to say when. 

In fact, it is with some embarrassment that I offer you a size comparison from just a couple of months after I got him in January of 2013. 

Walter, March 2013

Look! He has shoulders AND a waist. He's also sporting some catwalk-ready cheekbones if you ask me. Oy.  

So, no, it wasn't exactly magical, his weight gain. It was gradual and I could have stopped it. But I didn't and here we are.

But come ON! Just looooook at him. He's so handsome. 

Walt LOOOOOOOVES Mindy Kaling, you guys.
He ALWAYS sits by her when she's on the television. Always.
It's Mindy, Ellen, Jimmy Fallon, Alex Trebek, and Kat Dennings. 

And to be fair, he's a naturally LARGE cat. That is, I believe, a 40-inch television. So, he's bigger than your average dude. Just, like, in general. 

And, to be fair, I could barely tear the Cookie Butter jar our of my own hand long enough to write this post, let alone implement new kitty feeding schedules. So, I'm not your best candidate for a weight loss coach by any stretch of the imagination. 

Note that he does not eat "people food"
and only eats dry cat food but, ya know,
 I supply it. Sooooo.

His extra padding has even presented a few roadblocks to a fledgling modeling career as of late. He was recently turned down for a gig and that's no lie. I won't go into detail but it was, in fact, his girth that got him replaced. He's also arthritic. So his paunch, while adorable, isn't doing him any favors.

Therefore, much to his chagrin and mine, his diet is now being closely monitored in an effort to rediscover his waistline.  

Which means he follows me around pretty much constantly, practically licking his chops and staring at my head like it's a cartoon corn dog. 

photo source

Meh. At least he's getting some exercise.

In the meantime, it appears that I'll need to find a temporary solution so that he can hoist his (heavier) haunches up and into the daylight this Winter, lest he be relegated to couches and boxes with the hoi polloi. 

Come to think of it, he'd probably be juuuuust fine with that. 

And, yes he does always look this serious. He's the Feline Woody Allen. He reads Sartre and listens to Mahler. 

And he's a fantastic listener. 

Do tell. 

Interested in saving poor Walter from my lackluster, permissive parenting? And, quite possibly, a fate that looks a whole lot like this...

You're in luck! He's still searching for a place to call home forevers and evers. His words, not mine. Okay, okay. They're technically mine but I know he was thinking it. 

You can view his profile here. And you can apply to adopt him from Tenth Life Cat Rescue right here

If Walt's slow-as-molasses waddle isn't exactly your speed, that's okay! There are, like, one billion more awaiting homes.


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